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Jan. 19th, 2016

I'm feeling better.

Not actually good, but better. My feelings kind of scabbed over and I'm a little numb. I was a bit of a mess earlier today because the heat went out again just before I went to bed and I was just feeling kind of... hopeless. It appears to be back on now although I am not going to say "it's fixed" because what if I jinx it. Nope, it dropped ten degrees somehow. HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE DROPPED THAT FAST??? WTF? Oh well. I'll try the circuit breaker reset trick and text the guy tomorrow morning.

Anyway, I know that the universe isn't actually out to get me and I generally have taken comfort in the fact that the universe gives zero fucks about me but sometimes has a weird sense of humor (and it's my job to figure out the punchline) but I'm a little worn out and every dumb thing feels like the last straw. Eventually I will be okay.

Escapism does wonders. I came up with a totally ridiculous way to incorporate Gaster into the Undertale Mob AU and I'm not sure if it's genius or terrible or terrible genius but I'll withhold judgment for now. And I wrote more?

(I have also written a bit of Alphyne fluff in the same 'verse, although I'm stuck on it because my inner editor wants it to have PLOT and my id wants it to have SWING DANCING and I can't get my inner editor to stfu so I can write the dancing.)

I realize to the vast majority of you this is like, "argle bargle argle UNDERTALE argle bargle gibberish" but it makes me feel like at least I'm not doing nothing but complain here? I think this was a bad time to start trying to post every day.

Does anyone have any cheerful canon recs? Preferably something in a medium I can listen to/read/watch/play on a tablet, since my desktop needs repairs desperately and is in the coldest part of my apartment.

And here's more of the mob AU, starting from where I left off Sunday:

'You got any idea what these specific instructions are?'Collapse )
I am depressed and feel totally useless. I keep being an idiot and reaching out to people who I know aren't going to respond, and then they don't respond and I'm like "oh nooo it's me they hate me" when in fact they're just doing shit like, uh, being too sick or busy to respond, or in one case being sick AND busy AND trapped in fucking Wyoming with a moving truck. (No offense to people who have chosen to go to Wyoming voluntarily. I've been to Wyoming! Voluntarily! It's very pretty. There are mountains, which always weird me out. But being stuck anywhere sucks.) And then of course I am lousy at thinking of anything to say to people who actually talk to me. (I am sorry. I really do like you, people I have ignored!) Anyway, unsurprisingly, that doesn't help at all. I did talk to my grandmother and my aunt today, so that was nice. Also the weird rash/bug bites I have seem to be going away, which is great because they're on my chin and neck and look really unsightly but every time I wear a turtleneck to cover them up they itch like crazy.

Anyway, I have therapy tomorrow and I always hate going into therapy and being like "Hi, I feel terrible." Even though regularly feeling terrible is one of the many reasons I need therapy, duh. IDK, I just always feel like there's some obvious cheat code to not feeling terrible (or whatever issue I am struggling with) and everyone else has it but me.

Re-reported my broken heat, as the thermostat looked like this today around noon. I kind of lost my temper and started allcapsing, but ffs the legal low temp in Chicago is 68 during peak hours and 66 at night. Then I went out and reset the circuit breakers and it worked... until now. And now I have to do it all over again. Was gonna take my computer apart today to maybe clean it out but felt too blah and cold for that. Supposedly tomorrow they're also coming to exterminate bugs.

Before I go, have some more Undertale fic. I did not write much and what I did write ended up being ...not what I wanted to happen, and I'm not sure if my dissatisfaction stems from my general bad mood today or because it is genuinely bad, so I'm holding off editing it out. But anyway, this is from before, when I think I was writing decent stuff. Again, this starts up where I left off yesterday.

I've never met him, but the Flower does not strike me as the parental type.Collapse )
Bleh. Spent the whole day thinking "why am I not asleep, I just want to be asleep."

I picked up a dozen cinnamon rolls on the way back from my haircut, though!

Also, wrote more Undertale mob AU. I'm a little shaky on Undyne's voice so far; making her a mobster changes her in that in canon she's very much about saving and helping people, and this is very much a world where unfortunately that involves a lot of illegal stuff. Humans treat monsters like shit, there's a nearby gang that appears to want all monsters dead, the cops are corrupt, and probably so is the mayor. Plus, monsters have a hard time getting honest jobs and there's money to be made in smuggling that Toriel and Asgore can make sure is distributed to those in need. Undyne would rather be a heroine than an anti-heroine but she's doing what her community needs her to do.

I can't wait to write Alphys in this, incidentally. I need to listen to more old radio dramas.

Where is this all going? Well, you gotta know the lay of the land.Collapse )

Jan. 15th, 2016

So I wrote over a thousand words today!

...mostly at work....

...mostly when I was supposed to be working.....

...and it's a new WIP.

Really, self? Are we really going to do this?

Apparently we are. Or I am. Whatever.

In more responsible news, the exterminator is probably coming Monday! I let the neighbors know.

So anyway, have the opening paragraphs of the Undertale Mob AU! It's based on theslowesthnery's gangster AU which I mentioned yesterday. I'm a little nervous about it because it's in first person, present tense, and also because I'm playing with Sans' voice and making it more... stereotypically mobstery than canon. But I'm having fun with it.



There's three places in this town where a monster can sit down for a good meal.Collapse )

Jan. 15th, 2016

Bugs status: Still here. Submitted second maintenance request asking wtf was up with first maintenance request being closed.
Heat status: It was really warm today! so, no big deal.

And since the weather warmed up my computer keeps overheating, so I'm going to call a repair place tomorrow to see how much it'll cost to get it fixed. (I could technically probably do it myself but I'm lazy and IMO my time is valuable.) I lost all the fic tabs I had open and will try to dig them up later. Also this kind of sucks because it means I won't have my computer for the Crystalline Gala push and coli grinding on Android sucks.

Also, I have a weird rash on my neck. WHY.

I feel like despite the above I had a pretty okay day? I've been thinking a lot about some stuff I want to write; some RP stuff, some Undertale/DW stuff, the Gallifrey fic, etc. Also, I desperately want some good plotty fic set in theslowesthnery's Undertale Gangster AU and there does not seem to be a whole lot of gangster AU fic generally. If I come up with an actual outline or anything maybe I should do it, but right now the specifics of what I want is "tommy guns, getaway cars, hats, shenanigans!"

Also, I rewatched the first half of Mark of the Rani. (Fun fact: the titular mark of the Rani is exactly where my weird rash is. Not cool, Rani.) The Master and the Rani are just so delightfully bitchy to each other:

"Hey, how do these weird mind control worms work?"
"Why don't you try one and find out, or alternately go fuck yourself?"
"THANKS I'LL TAKE THE WHOLE THING."
"WTF YOU JERK, HOW WAS I, A GENIUS, TO KNOW THAT YOU, A SUPERVILLAIN, WOULD STEAL MY STUFF???"
"But I waaaant iiiiit!"
[Renegade Time Lord slapfight ensues.]

I am almost sad I'm not writing the Master in this one.
I am doubtful as to whether the landlords did anything about the heat, but it seems to work fine as long as I don't mind turning the thermostat up to a ridiculous swamplike temperature when it starts to dip into the sixties, and as long as I don't have a lot to do in my living room.

(My computer is in my living room. I think probably what I should do is upload this Gallifrey fic to gdocs and write it on my tablet. Right now it's in Scrivener because it is, theoretically, part of a larger series, and some of the bits get kind of complicated, and I have visual references for the characters since the canon is an audio drama and I want to keep their physical appearances and dress style consistent, and I want to keep worldbuilding I make up on the fly relatively consistent.)

The landlords definitely did not do anything about the bugs. (There are bugs. In the kitchen. I am worried it's my fault but I try not to go to bed with dirty dishes, and the upstairs neighbors are also having bug issues, and as I have never seen the inside of their apartment I am forced to assume it looks like a Martha Stewart Living spread only if Martha Stewart was really into Skyrim and boardgames, because obviously everyone but me has their life 100% together!) Anyway, I didn't expect them to do anything ASAP, but my maintenance request on the bugs has been marked as "Work Completed," and was in fact marked as completed the afternoon I submitted the report. So um, I'm guessing either they've already scheduled an exterminator OR they're ignoring all bug-related maintenance requests out of hand.

In the meantime I'm killing every bug I see on sight. THIS IS WAR, BUGS. WARRRR. Also, spiders, wtf, start pulling your weight around here, I more or less leave you guys alone for a reason.

Upstairs neighbors say they haven't heard anything back on that, although I haven't spoken to them in a few days -- I mostly talk to them on the bus in the mornings when I am basically braindead. Would it be weird to ask for one of their cell numbers or something just to text like, landlord FYIs/warnings/help I locked myself out plz tell me you're home requests?

Anyway. Bah. The upside of the heat going out periodically is that the bugs have retreated somewhat.

....okay, that's not a fucking upside.

I SWEAR TO GOD, I LIVED IN A NICE APARTMENT UNTIL THIS WINTER AND SUDDENLY IT WAS A BAD PLACE TO LIVE. :[ You'd think they'd be more responsive, I still haven't renewed my lease.

Blah blah blah. Anyway! I wanted to include something fun in this post but it's already wayyy past my bedtime. I'm really not distraught or anything, just kind of annoyed (bugged?) by the bugs and the cold, and murdering bugs while freezing your ass off saps a lot of energy.
So I'm a little energy-drained lately because my fucking heat keeps going out -- please note, the heat actually seems to work fine but either there's something wrong with the thermostat so that it doesn't turn on unless I power cycle it, or it keeps blowing a fuse, because the only way I have figured out to get it to come back on is to go outside and to the other building in my complex where the fuseboxes are and reset the circuit breaker. And it's like, face-hurtingly cold out.

Anyway, yeah. Aaargh. Had to do it twice today, and coming home to a cold apartment isn't great fun either.

I think it's broken again.

Goddamnit.

Have informed the landlords. Hoping they fix this tomorrow.
Okay, so clearly the recs didn't happen! Sorry. Still working on 'em.

What have I done this weekend? Not a lot of writing either, sadly. Writing has kind of been my destressing thing after work lately and I guess I don't feel as much like writing when I'm not stressed out by work?

I did finish rereading Soon I Will Be Invincible, which I liked very much the first time I read it but liked more this time around. tl;dr it's a novel about a mad scientist supervillain who's just escaped from prison and a newly-working-for-the-Justice-League/Avengers-analogue cyborg superheroine. One of the other characters in the cast has a major reveal at the end, so rereading made me go OOH OOH every time that character showed up and I quite liked them before but this time it was more rewarding to see the wheels turning in their head. I also felt a lot more sympathy for Fatale this time around? I mean I found her sympathetic the first time, but I read it in college and a big part of Fatale's theme was "okay so I did everything I thought I was supposed to do and now I'm not sure what I'm doing but people are depending on me for some reason and they think I'm competent and I'll take the opportunities offered me, but I don't know if I'm up to that challenge." And that... was not a part of my college life, but it is definitely a part of my life now.

I guess it's telling that in college I found Dr. Impossible -- not sympathetic, exactly, he's a dick no matter what time of life you read him -- but more relateable. He's kind of stuck in college. That's where his real life ended and his supervillain life began. Fatale has amnesia, so she really only has the future and we don't get a lot of backstory on her life pre-powers; Dr. Impossible is totally obsessed with his past and we get a lot on being the bullied kid, being repeatedly told how smart he was as a kid and how great that was supposed to be, but also feeling totally alienated from everything, and I have to say I could probably have related to his experiences of being That Kid at any point after maybe second grade, and all that really intensified for me in high school. I'm not a genius or anything, like he's supposed to be, but I definitely remember hating my classmates for being so damn slow for most of grade school and high school. (Middle school I had different problems, but at least I was going to Nerd School. Nerd School didn't help Dr. Impossible but it sure helped me.) So I kind of glommed onto him as a terrible but understandable character my first time around, and this time was... weird, because I still felt all that but I was like "wow, you have not grown as a person since your early twenties, have you? I'm so sorry. Except I'm not, because the reason you have no friends is because you're such a dick to them." Fatale's not perfect, obviously, but I get her now, and I'm really glad I get her, not just because it made the book more rewarding.

I will admit, though, his New Ice Age plan sounded pretty neat. I'd read that AU. I'm not writing that AU. And I'm pretty much always up for fucked-up mad scientist characters.

I also finished listening to the Welcome to Night Vale novel, finally. It was very good. I'll try not to say anything spoilery here because I'm sure there are people on my flist who want to read it and haven't yet done so; I liked it a lot and I'm curious how it holds up in print, because I have the print version but the print version doesn't sound like Cecil Baldwin, so obviously I opted for the audio version. I am sad that there's so little fic about the two main characters, and none (on AO3 at least) where they interact at all! (I think most of the stuff about them was written before the novel, based on their brief appearances in the show.) Anyway, I kind of loved them and all their interactions and the ending was really, really satisfying. I may do another (fully spoilery) post just on WTNV once I've caught up with the actual show.

Jan. 9th, 2016

Probably not writing a long entry tonight; my parents took me out to dinner sort-of-for my birthday.

Things were not awkward, gifts were thoughtful and not so showy that I felt super guilty, I got to show off one of their Christmas presents to me so I no longer feel super guilty about getting it either, and the thing I was not daring to hope for happened, which is that the dog got up on all four feet when I came in and was generally pretty lively. He hasn't had the use of his back legs for months. I actually had a dream last night where he was running around playing, and it was not like that, but I remember such a sense of relief in the dream, and when I woke up I was like "I dreamed something that made me really happy, what was it?" and when I saw him in real life today I remembered.

The dogs aren't going to last forever; they're probably not going to last long. But I was glad to get to see Archie happy again.

Not much fiction writing done today, but I'll be writing over the weekend.

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